In your memory
by bibi 13ca
Summary: Right after Episode 5 from season 6. A two-shot about Elena's refusal to let her memories of Damon in and why and how will Damon react to it. What will happen if, once Elena does get her memories back, Damon is not ready to forgive and forget. Will Elena fight for Damon, or look for an easier way out? Rated M for mature subject, language and all.
1. Chapter 1

**N: Hey guys, so, like the summary says, this picks up after the 5****th**** episode, "the world has turned and left me here" just a few hours after the actual episode ended. This one shot – turned two shot because of the time limit – will have a lot of time jumps since I don't want to turn it into a multi-chapter story, hopefully it won't be too confusing, but if you do have any questions, please PM me and I will be happy to answer to you within 24 hours.**

**The next part will obs be on Elena trying to "seduce" Damon. There is going to be a road trip!**

**Enjoy and please review!**

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><p><strong>Too Late to Remember, Too Early to Forget<strong>

The door busted open and both Caroline and Elena jumped to their feet. Stefan closed the door behind him and once he turned to face them once more Elena noticed the grin on his face. She hasn't seen Stefan smile in a very long time. If she didn't know any better she would've guessed he got his hands on some pretty strong vampire drugs.

"Stefan, what_" Caroline started, but Stefan interrupted her, his eyes glued to Elena. It was clear to Elena that whatever Stefan was so pleased about was concerning her and not Caroline. Either that or they were both still in denial about their feelings for each other and they went from friends to avoiding each other. The mystery was made clear just a few seconds later once Stefan finished his sentence.

"Elena…he's back! Damon is back."

Elena frowned and Caroline gasped. As far as Elena was concerned they were both having normal reactions to the statement.

"What?"

"Damon, he is not dead, he is back. I swear, I touched him and everything_"

This time it was Elena's time to interrupt. "I…but how? What about Bonnie?"

"I am sorry, just him. I asked about Bonnie, but he hasn't seen her since…well, since the other side came crushing. I am not sure about how Damon got to come back or even if he was actually dead, I don't even know he knows. He obviously wanted to come straight here to see you, but I told him about the compulsion and told him it will be best if he waited for Alaric to get here first and give your memories back."

Stefan was too caught up in his happy bubble, but Caroline did notice the fake smile Elena gave him. If Caroline had to take a guess, her best friend wasn't thrilled about getting back her memories of Damon.

"Sure, I will call Ric in the morning," Elena said with another forced grin, but Stefan pulled out his phone.

"Already called him. He should be here any minute now."

Elena passed her hand through her hair and let her body fall on the edge of the bed. "I know, I felt the same," Stefan said softly, but Elena doubted they both felt the same. Before Elena had the time to say anything however, the door opened for the second time within five minutes. Alaric lost no time in asking the same questions Elena had.

"How the hell did Damon came back from the dead? Where is he? Is he the same?" questions came one after another and Stefan actually laughed.

"No idea, but he is Damon, that I am sure of. We…well, I decided that it will be better to stay away until you…well, until you give Elena her memories back," once Stefan said that, he moved out of the way and Alaric took a seat beside Elena. He looked her straight in the eyes and whispered: "Remember!" Elena blinked a few times.

"Who was Damon Salvatore?" Alaric asked.

"Stefan's brother, he was a monster," came her answer, clear for everyone in the room to hear. Alaric looked around confused for a second, but then he smiled and directed his attention back to Elena. "I should've known that's not going to do it," he said and licked his lips a few times before speaking as his eyes poured into Elena's once more. "On your birthday Damon gave you the necklace that meant so much for you and Stefan, he gave you hope and that was when you knew you loved him." Just like the last time, Elena blinked a few times after Alaric was done.

"Who was Damon Salvatore?" he asked, but once more Elena's answer was: "Stefan's brother and he was a monster."

Elena looked around confused. She noticed that Stefan's expression was no longer that of euphoric joy, but one of a sort of sadness Elena never encountered before. She looked at Caroline and got even more sadness and confusion. The blonde's mouth was slightly open as if she couldn't believe how screwed up everything was. Finally, she turned her attention back to Alaric.

"Elena, the compulsion is no longer there, what's blocking you from remembering is your own mind. Because of the time I had to alter and your deep feelings for Damon, I chose to use a mixture of compulsion and hypnosis with you. Whatever is stopping you from remembering about Damon is not supernatural, is psychological."

Elena threw a guilty look in Stefan's direction. He looked devastated. "I am sorry," she whispered. But Stefan didn't look at her, he looked at Alaric instead.

"Isn't there something you can do?" he asked, hope clear in his voice.

"Not really. It's up to her," he turned towards Elena. "It's up to you to remember," she nodded subtly, even if she had no idea why she was nodding. "Look," Alaric started. He grabbed her hand and Elena looked up once more. "It's like the victims of very traumatic events that don't remember what happened to them or they remember it happening in a different way. Their mind purposely hides the real memories to protect them. There's a reason why your mind refuses to give you back those memories and until you admit to yourself the reason, there is nothing I, or you for that matter, can do."

"I understand," Elena whispered.

"No," Stefan's voice came from near the door. "No," he said again only louder so that all three pairs of eyes turned towards him.

"Stefan, I_" Elena started.

"No, you can't do this to him, Elena."

"I'm sorry, I just… I need some time," and before anyone had the time to say anything more, Elena got out of the room. At the end of the hall, she bumped into someone. Excusing herself, she raised her head to look at the person she almost knocked over. It was Damon Salvatore. He seemed to be lost for words, in some sort of sock, because he was just standing there like a tricked without a word.

"Uhh…welcome back!" she mumbled uncomfortable and then used her vampire speed to get as far away from him as possible.

When Damon opened the dorm room about a minute later, she found Blondie, Stefan and Alaric all looking towards the door with puzzled, sort of sad expressions on their faces. He wanted to ask why, but deep down, he knew the answer.

"Damon," Stefan started, but Damon didn't hear anything after because Caroline's arms closed around him and her tight hug was keeping oxygen from getting to his head. For a few seconds, Damon was too shocked to do anything and after a quick consideration, he returned Caroline's hug.

"I can't believe I am saying this, but I am happy you are back," Caroline said as she finally let go of Damon.

"You and me both Blondie, you and me both," he pulled back a few inches to look at her. "I am so sorry about Bonnie," he said and she nodded, tears now pouring from her eyes. "Am I missing something?" he asked confused.

Stefan was the one to speak first. "It's about Elena," but before he got to his brother what had just happened, Alaric stopped him.

"Since it's my doing, I think I should be the one telling him."

"Telling me what?"

"Damon," Alaric started and Damon raised an eyebrow. He had a feeling that whatever his best friend had to say, he will not like it in the slightest.

"What's wrong?"

"I couldn't bring Elena's memories back."

A morbid silence fell over the room, or at least in Damon's head there was silence. He could see Alaric's lips moving and Stefan's hands pointing at him, but he couldn't hear a word they were saying.

"Alright," he said and made his way towards the door. Both his brother and his former best friend called after him. He turned around and smiled weakly. "I'll be fine," and with a loud clank, the door closed behind him.

***DE***

Damon spent hours trying to find Elena, but as dawn came, it became clear that she didn't want to be found. Finally, he compelled himself a room at a hotel nearby, took a shower and crushed. Apparently time travel was exhausting. Who knew?

Elena found two quarters in her packets and immediately pushed them into a pay phone, but then she realized she didn't know Caroline's number by heart. She called her own phone but no one answered. It made sense, she had it on silent since before she left. Admitting defeat she put punched the phone enough to make it fly a few meters away from her. She looked around. Happy that no one saw her she made her way back towards her dorm room.

She stopped in front of the building and listened carefully, but no noises were coming from her room. She hoped Caroline was back camping or away with Stefan. She wished her roommate was anywhere but in the room.

"Finally!" Caroline yelled as soon as Elena opened the door. She cursed under her breath, but got inside anyway. "I thought you were dead or something. Not answering your phone for five hours is not cool, Elena!" Caroline went in and Elena actually started to feel bad. She walked to the desk and picked up her phone.

"Sorry, I left it here," she said showing the device to a fuming Caroline. "I just wanted to make sure Damon wouldn't be here when I got back."

"Why?"

"I just…well, I don't see the point. His big reunion is not going to happen. I don't remember loving him. Gee, I don't even care about him." She raised her hands as if only words were not enough to express what she wanted to say. "He doesn't deserve a second change when Bonnie didn't get one! No, I don't want to remember the good parts, because nothing, nothing can make up for all the bad things he did," at this point Elena was yelling at her friend.

"You don't mean that," Caroline whispered calmly.

"Yes I do."

"This is not you, Elena! You are compassionate, carrying and forgiving. You see the best in people even when no one else does and you most certainly don't judge someone after you erased everything good about them from your memories. Now, I will be the first person to admit that Damon Salvatore has done some pretty horrible things, God knows we had our differences. Yes, he did those things, but he did good things too. There was nothing," she paused for effect. "Nothing he wouldn't have done for you, Elena. He would have given up his life if it meant saving yours and that is not something that people should be able to forget!" Caroline grabbed her handbag and walked towards the door. Once her hand touched the doorknob she stopped and turned around. "I will be away until you decide to get back to your old self. This selfish side doesn't become you, Elena."

***DE***

A few days after Caroline stormed out her their room, Elena found herself alone on the room reading about lungs and pulmonary infections. She almost missed the soft steps approaching the door. There was nothing special about the way they sounded, yet Elena somehow knew exactly who it was on the other side of the door. Damon. She stood up and hesitated only a few seconds before making her way towards the door. Despite her best judgment her heart picked up speed. She placed her palm against the cold wooden door, resting her forehead on her hand. She didn't know for how long she stood there, probably long after Damon had gone. He had been trying to see her for days, but she refused. He thought that if he got to talk to her, hold her, and touch her, that maybe her memories would come back. He was wrong. They would never come back, not of she had anything to say about it.

***DE***

"You're avoiding me," Damon said and Elena shrugged. There was one thing that was bothering Damon more than the fact that his girlfriend didn't remember ever loving him and that was the fact that she was avoiding him. Which meant no opportunities for him to get her to change her mind. And now that they were finally in the same room together, just the two of them for the first time since he came back from the dead, she was avoiding his eyes.

"So what if I am?" she asked defiantly.

Damon laughed sadly. "Why?" he asked.

Elena looked confused for a second. "I thought it was obvious," Damon raised an eyebrow. "I don't like you, why would I want to spend time with you?"

"Like me? You don't even know me!"

"I know enough. You killed my brother!" she shouted.

"And you forgave me for it."

"I shouldn't have." Her words managed to cut through the indifferent façade. He took a step back as if she physically pushed him.

"You did it because you understood me, because you loved me."

"So I keep hearing, but I don't understand how…why?"

"Because I always put you first," Damon answered quickly. "Because I changed for you, I wanted to be a better man for you. Because I have always accepted who you were, the good and the bad. I pushed you and made you stronger. And because I spend half a year with you, helping you find my brother. Despite the fact that was madly in love with you and I wanted you more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole God dammed life. Because, Elena," for some reason, the way he just said her name made Elena shiver. "I almost died to make sure you get the cure. A cure that would've meant losing you."

Elena opened her both a few times just to close it right back. When she finally did spoke, her voice was slightly unsteady.

"I can't do this," she whispered and before Damon could stop her, she disappeared.

***DE***

Elena opened her eyes wider. She was in a forest that much she could tell. It was almost impossible to see much more than a few trees and rock because of all the fog around her. She looked up just in time to see a human figure descending from the sky. It looked like a woman in a dress. As soon as the figure came close enough, Elena was able to tell that it was a woman in a puffy, red dress. She had a thick veil on her face so Elena wasn't able to see who it was and when she spoke, her voice was like a bird's song.

"One day, you will realize the reason you loved him. One day the reason why you couldn't leave without him will be made clear and everything you don't want to remember will come at once."

Gasping for air Elena rose in a sitting position. She looked around confused until she remembered that Caroline was wasn't as if it would've made a difference, she couldn't tell Caroline the real reason she didn't want to remember Damon and how she felt about him. No one could know. They would try to talk her out of it, as it is they were already making it their mission in life reminding her that she needed to remember that she needed to go back to being "that" Elena. Her decision was made. She didn't care who Damon Salvatore really was, she remembered him as a monster with no redeeming qualities and that was the way it will stay.

***DE***

Damon just ignored the shy knock on the door. To his irritation the door opened and Caroline made her way inside letting the door close behind her.

"Hey," she mumbled and Damon rolled his eyes. "How…how are you?"

He smiled sarcastically. "I am great Blondie, walking on sunshine. I died," he made a gesture with his hand that if the situation wasn't so fucked up Caroline would've found deeply amusing. "And I came back from the dead to find that my brother lost it, my home town, my house, is off limits, the woman I love more than anything in the world doesn't want anything to do with me and basically told me I should've stayed dead, because my best friend compelled her love for me away and the only person who remains the same is you," he laughed again. "Although, you seem happy I am back, so I am still not sure it's really you." This time it was Caroline's lips that formed a grin on her face.

"It's me."

"See, that is exactly what the impostor Caroline would say."

They both smiled. After a few moments of silence in which Damon offered Caroline a drink and she accepted, the blonde vampire was the first to talk, taking Damon by surprise. "Alaric told me you asked about the Gemini coven."

Damon looked at her frowning. What was Alaric's problem? Did he really have to go tell Blondie his every move?

"I did."

"Why?"

Over the days following his return to the 2000s Damon thought about telling Caroline about Bonnie many times. He might not like to admit it, and wouldn't say it out loud even under torture, but Caroline Forbs was a tough cookie. She took after her mother. She was as brave, just and ready to help as her mother and just as stubborn as her father. He knew even before "landing" back in modern day Mystic Falls that he would not be telling anyone about Bonnie. After all, what exactly was he to tell them? Oh, by the way, Bonnie was with me and she died again just so that I can get back home. But as the days passed he founded harder and harder to look for a way to bring back someone who might be actually dead for good with no prospect of returning to the land of the living. A few weeks ago he told Stefan. That turned out to be a mistake. It seemed that his brother's optimism ran all out and all he kept telling Damon was that he needed to give up and move on.

"Caroline, maybe you should take a seat," Damon said and Caroline raised an eyebrow. She couldn't even remember the last time Damon called her "Caroline" whatever he needed to say to her was serious, that much she was sure of. She finished her drink in one gulp and took a seat on the comfortable sofa. Damon filled her glass with the same amber colored liquid and handed it to her. "You'll need it, trust me!"

As soon as Caroline's finger's closed around the glass, Damon started his story. He told her everything. How he and Bonnie held hands as the other side was collapsing around them. How they were transported into the 1994 Mystic Falls to leave the same day over and over again. He told her about Bonnie and him discovering they were not alone. He even told her about the pancakes and about their trips to the supermarket. From time to time he would stop to take a generous gulp of bourbon directly from the bottle. All through the story Caroline's eyes never left his. She opened her mouth from time to time, but no sounds escaped her lips. She stood still, asked no questions, made no nose or funny faces, she just allowed him to tell the story in his own was and for a moment Damon was more grateful towards Caroline Forbs than he'd been to anyone since he came back.

After he was done Caroline finally moved. She drank all the bourbon in her glass and handed it to him to pour another.

"You were right, I do need it," she said simply.

***DE***

Over the next weeks Damon and Caroline spent almost every day together. Either trying to take down the mystical barrier to Mystic Falls or doing more research on the Gemini coven.

Caroline and Elena had their second fight since Damon's return to the land of the living and when Elena opened the door to her room to find her only remaining best friend on the other side, she had a feeling they were about to have another fight. She was right.

After a few more exchanges of "You are not being fair, Elena" and "I can't believe you are doing this" the words Caroline promised will not reach Elena's ears finally came rushing through her lips before she realized what she was saying. She told Elena about Bonnie when she promised Damon she wouldn't and she felt terrible about it.

***DE***

It took Elena a few days before she felt brave enough to confront Damon about what Caroline told her. The first place she looked for him was his apartment, but he wasn't there. He went to Mystic Falls border next, knowing that's where Caroline was likely to be and her and Damon were almost always together these days.

"Elena?" Caroline asked surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I am looking for Damon."

"He went to talk to meet Liv. I am pretty sure Alaric told them they can use his classroom."

"Oh, thanks," Elena mumbled and ran all the way back to the campus.

*DE*

By the time Elena arrived at the University Damon and the witch were heaving a very heated discussion, loud enough for her to hear them from the main hallway. She stopped deciding that she could wait until Damon was done fighting with Liv. She didn't plan to eavesdrop, she just chose not to stop hear supernatural hearing from picking up their voices.

"You don't understand, the Gemini coven are not tolerant to vampires. I don't mean the way Bonnie was, I mean in the way were they will kill you without asking questions," Live yelled and Elena heart Damon's mouth made a weird clank noise before he spoke.

"No, you don't understand. Bonnie Bennett gave her life for mine. I am back home because of her. When she chose to send me back, she was bleeding to death, but I am thinking that if Kai didn't die, then there is a chance that she didn't die either. So she is still there, living the same day over and over in the company of a psychopath with the ability to take away her magic," there was a short pause and Elena expected to hear the witch's comeback, but it was Damon's voice once more she heard. "I know ok? I know that the chances she is still alive are minimal, but I have to try. If there is anything I can do to bring her back, I will do it, no matter what."

"They well kill you!"

"Been there, done that. Twice, it didn't take."

"Is Caroline going with you?" Liv asked.

"No, I don't want anyone else getting hurt."

There was more talking, but Elena couldn't hear it anymore. Her head hurt the same way it did when a witch was frying her brain. Her vision became blurry and distorted.

She barely made her way to her room before she collapsed.

***DE***

"Elena!" Caroline placed her could hand on Elena's cheek. "Elena!" she called again and finally, Elena's eyes flew open. "Thank God! I was about to call 911."

"I remember," Elena murmured, her voice shaky and a bit hoarse from her screams of pain. "I remember," she repeated.

"Remember? What? Elena, are you ok?"

"I remember, Caroline. Damon…oh God," Elena's voice broke and she started crying softly. Caroline's hand closed over her mouth in realization of what Elena remembered. "I," she sobbed. "I should have known. I did know, because of the dream," she knew she wasn't making much sense, but to her it made perfect sense.

"Dream," Caroline whispered.

"Yes. It started a few weeks after Damon came back. In the dream, there was a woman. I couldn't see who because of the veil, but now that I thing about it, it might've been me. She told me that one day I will realize why I loved Damon and that when that will happen all my memories will come back."

"Do you know what triggered it?" Caroline asked.

"Yes." Suddenly Elena jumped to her feet. "I have to go. I have to find Damon or it will be too late," and she left, leaving a very confused Caroline behind.

***DE***

Once Damon opened the door, Elena lost no time. She jumped him, hugging him tight enough to stop his blood circulation. She buried her nose in the crack of his neck taking in his scent. She thought she will never be able to do that again, but before she had the time to enjoy the feeling of him properly, he pushed her away.

"Elena, what the hell?"

"I remember Damon!" she said excitedly, Damon's face remained emotionless. "I remember everything," she went on, but her words had the same reaction as her previous ones.

"Well, good for you."

"I love you," she said softly, fear taking over her mid like the fog in her dreams. Why wasn't Damon happy about her getting her memories back, living him again?

"Elena, I have been back for month now. I did everything in my power to convince you that you should get your memories back, but you refused. Look, I understand. I did all those things Elena, so I understand. I died, and you moved one. You have a new…boyfriend, you have your studies, you have a new life and that's fine. It took me a while, but I finally came to terms with that. I moved on."

By now Elena's eyes were no longer capable of keeping in the tears. It was too late. Damon gave up on her. But didn't he understand why she couldn't let the memories in? Of course he didn't. He was Damon Salvatore and the one thing he always lacked was confidence in the fact the he could be loved as fiercely as he loved.

"I need to go," he said and moved towards the door expecting for her to move out of the way, but she didn't.

"Damon, I am sorry. I know what I put you though and I_"

"I really do have to go, can we do this some other time?" he asked and she nodded, not trusting her voice enough to talk. She knew that if she did say something she will burst into sobs and never stop, not until he took her back. Once the door close behind him Elena let her body lean against the door. She slid to the floor and finally broke down.

Damon could hear her sobs long after he got out of the building. It took every single ounce of self-restrain he had to not turn around and console her, kiss her, hug her and anything else he'd been wanting to do to her since he came back.

***DE***

"What did you expect, Elena?" Caroline asked, but Elena didn't move. Her vacant look remained focused on the table centerpiece. "Are you listening to me, Elena Gilbert?"

"Uh?"

"You know what you have to do, right?"

"What?"

"You have to fight for him, the way he fought for you so many times."

For the first time in days Elena smiled. "You are right," she said with a huge grin on her face. "You are right, I need to fight for him. I need to show him how much he means to me and how sort I am for what I put him through."

"That's the spirit. You better start soon though, he got a lead on the Gemini coven and he is leaving soon," Elena didn't hear anything after the word "lead" and she didn't have to.

"No, I just got him back, I can't lose him again."

"What? Elena he'll be back."

"He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Asked Caroline confused.

"Lic told Damon that the witches in the coven are really not fond of vampires and they most certainly kill him, no questions asked."

Caroline contemplated for a few moments. "So that's why he refuses to take me with him," she whispered more to herself than to Elena.

"Well, he can refuse as much as he wants to take me, I am not taking no for an answer," and with that she vanished.

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><p><strong>N: I am sorry for any mistakes you found. Obviously, it is not betaed and I wanted to poste before tomorrow, when I get to watch the next episode and all this will stop making sense even more than it already isn't.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**N: Hey guys, I am happy some of you liked this. So in this last chapter Elena will do everything in her power to get Damon back. She knows he still loves her, but she just needs to convince him to take her back.**

**Just like the first part, there will be a few time jumps. Sorry for any confusion it might cause and also, terribly sorry for the mistakes. Not betaed.**

**Enjoy and review!**

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><p><strong>These Pages of my Love for You<strong>

Damon could tell there was something wrong even before he opened the door to his apartment. Besides the fact that it was unlocked, the doorknob had clearly been broken by a vampire. He pushed the door open and got in hesitantly. At once a powerful smell of roses and vanilla attacked his olfactory sensors. His suspicions were confirmed as only a few seconds later Elena came out of his bathroom wrapped up in a fluffy white towel, water still dripping on her exposed thighs. His heart leapt in his chest at the sight of her and he had to clinch his fists as tight as he could to stop himself from running to her, wrap her in his arms and never let her go.

She put her still damp hair in a high bun and walked towards the couch. "Hi," she said sweetly. She stuck her hand in the big black bag that Damon just noticed at the edge of the sofa and pulled out a white bottle that he recognized immediately as being her usual body lotion.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked once he pulled himself together. Elena turned around nonchalantly and smiled. The angle she was now in allowed Damon an undisturbed view of her higher thighs. Knowing that she was wearing nothing under that small, white towel was enough to made Damon growl deep in his throat. He still remembered every curve of her body, every groove and every scar. If he would allow himself to go there, he even remembered how she used to feel like. She used to make the most beautiful sounds when Damon slid his hands over her lower back, to each side of her hips and lower to her thighs. Damon Salvatore knew how to touch a woman and Elena had definitely enjoyed being touched by him.

Elena finally finished with her bag. She was now holding her body lotion bottle and a pair of minuscule, panties in bright red. Damon couldn't help but recall the time he told her she looked absolutely dashing in blood-red underwear.

"The dorm's out of hot water. I thought you wouldn't mind if I used yours," she said simply. Like Elena Gilbert taking a shower in his bathroom was the most natural thing in the world.

"And you thought it would be a good idea to break into my apartment? Does your boyfriend know you're here?"

Elena shrugged, "We broke up."

"Well, it was bound to happen. We both know you like your men with a little…animal in them," Damon said with a smirk. He couldn't help the happy feeling the news that Elena broke up with that petty human guy gave him. To his surprise Elena returned his smirk with one of her own. "He was a nice guy, but_"

"Too tamed for you?"

"But he was no Damon Salvatore," she finished. Her eyes were burning and Damon just realized that Elena Gilbert in "seduction" mode was not only beautiful but hot as hell. There was only one problem, she broke his heart over and over again and if there was something Damon learned in his four months in a supernatural prison was that he deserved a little bit of pace. Even since he was a kid, even since his mother died, he didn't catch a moment of pace. First came his father and his continued disappointment in him, then came Stefan's betrayal and Katherine and everything after he turned had been two lifetimes of struggle, regret, pain, confusion and suffering. His switch went on again, off again, but no matter if it was on or off, he didn't have that moment of pace with himself and the world around him. He thought he will have that once Elena finally chose him, but he'd been wrong once his past came back to haunt him, to hunt them and their relationship, every expectation of pace he had had, vanished. He thought that once he will come back to her from the dead they would be able to start fresh, now that his past was done biting him in the ass and after everything Elena knew about him and still loved him, he was safe. Of course, he should've known better, once he came back it turned out that Elena was not over all the shitty things he'd done, that once confronted with what he did without the bias of him saving her life a few times, she will think twice before taking him back. The worst thing was that she was right. He deserved that. He'd acted on impulse, did everything to push her away.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the towel hitting the floor. For a moment they both just started at each other. Damon was the first to look away.

"I know what you are trying to do and it won't work, Elena."

"What am I trying to do?" Elena asked innocently.

"I invented this game," he spat. Now he was getting angry. How dare she use his own seduction tactics against him? He was the one that used to walk around shirtless whenever she was around just to enjoy the way her heartbeat would raise and her cheeks will flash a soft shade of peach.

"I am not playing a game." She squeezed some of the lotion into her hand and started applying it all over her long, smooth legs. "Nothing you haven't seen before, right?" she asked reminding him of the time he walked on her and Stefan making out what seemed like centuries ago.

"You could at least do that in the bathroom," Damon suggested. Anything to get her as far away from him as possible. Fully clothed he might stand a chance, but all naked and flirty, he didn't know how long he will be able to resist.

"I don't want to, it's too hot in there," she pouted. She actually pouted.

Damon passed his hand through his hair. "Fine, take your time," and he turned around to leave, but Elena started talking again.

"So, what's new with the Gemini coven? Did you get a location yet?"

Was she seriously trying to make casual conversation while she was massaging her breasts with lotion? Damon's teeth grind.

"Yes, I am leaving as soon as my new car is done."

"Good. I am coming with you," she said and Damon rolled his eyes.

"Uh, no you're not."

"Yes I am. This is my best friend you are talking about. Plus, I heard what Liv said. They could kill you. I just got you back and I am not losing you again. I tried living without you and I couldn't so I am coming with you." The determination and sincerity in her voice threw Damon off for a split second.

"I think I liked you better when you didn't want anything to do with me," he said and Elena smiled once again.

"Sorry to disappoint."

She had finally put on panties and a tight t-shirt. No bra. Her nipples were still hard after she had massaged her breasts and they were poking through the material. Damon wondered if it wouldn't have been better if she hadn't put the clothing on. "You are not coming," he said determined.

She let her hair out of the elastic and it fell in wet waves all over her shoulders. Slowly, she started brushing it. "Damon, I am coming, even if I have to follow you," Elena said, her tone just as firm as his.

"Fine," Damon raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, but there will be no bonding and no sharing of my feelings."

"Alright," Elena agreed.

"And next time you feel like taking a shower and your own is conveniently out of order find somewhere else to go or I _will_ move in with a living person who will have specific instructions to not let you in," and with that he got out of the room slamming the door with enough force to make the already shaky handle fall off.

Elena let out a deep sigh, packed her things as fast as she could and got out. She knew it wouldn't be easy. If there was one thing she had remembered about Damon even without the good memories of him, was how stubborn he was. It was one of the problems they were confronted with as a couple, they were both so damn stubborn. But she will not give up. If she had to spend the next months or even years following him around and proving to him that he was it for her, then she will do exactly that.

***DE***

"A Martini please, no olives," The blonde ordered. She turned around and for a few seconds she simply started at the man sitting on her right. "Why are you being a jerk?" she asked.

Damon rolled his eyes. "What did I do this time, Blondie?"

"You know damn well what you did. You threatened her you will move in with someone who is not dead just to keep her away. Really Damon?"

"She broke into my apartment!"

Caroline simply tilted her head. Without a word, she took the drink that the barman just placed in front of her and drank it all in one breath. "She is just trying to fight for you."

"Well, it's too bloody late. I asked her to fight for me when I got back and you know better than anyone how much I tried to make her want to remember me, remember us. She refused to. Now it's too late."

"Can you seriously tell me you don't love her anymore?" Caroline asked. For the first time since she took a seat beside him Damon looked at the blonde.

"I love her more than I ever loved or will ever love anything in my life, but I thought you of all people will understand that we can't go back. We shouldn't go back. If I would've been a better man for her, we wouldn't have been it that situation in the first place. It was my fault she had all those memories of me to hold on and not want the good ones back. We can't keep playing the same game. She takes me back, something else from my past pops up, we decide I am bad for her, we break up and then we start again, she forgives me and something else comes up. We can't keep doing this to each other. I can't keep doing it. It's killing me every time." Damon pulled a $20 bill and placed it on the counter. "She'll have another," and he left.

The barman took the money and looked at Caroline. She nodded.

***DE***

"I thought I told you what would happen if I find you here again," Damon started even before he opened the door. "Yet here you are."

"Yes, you told me what will happen if I took a shower in your bathroom again. I didn't. I am just here to make sure you are not planning to leave without me. I know your car was delivered yesterday." Elena stood up from the sofa and walked slowly towards the liquor cabinet. She poured two drinks and handed one to Damon. He took it, but immediately placed it on the table.

"Be ready tomorrow at 5am," he said and Elena nodded. "Now if you don't mind, I need to take a shower and I prefer to do it alone."

"Since when?" Elena fired back. She couldn't help it, the words just escaped her lips before she was even aware of them.

"Excuse me?"

"Since when do you prefer to be alone in the shower? I remember otherwise."

He tried, but he couldn't help it. Involuntarily his mind started recalling the many times Elena and he were in the shower together. He remembered he told her that no one should shower alone because where's the fun in that, plus, no one there to wash your back. He remembered her slippery body wrapped around his own, the water pouring over them, the shower gel bottle forgotten. Damon shook his head to make the taunting images go away.

"That was then. Actually, I am going to leave now. No time to lose. If you are not ready too bad, I guess you'll have to follow me," he walked into the bedroom and Elena heard the zipper of what she assumed was a traveling bag open.

"It's fine with me," she said letting herself fall on the comfortable sofa once more.

"Don't you have to pack?" Damon asked from the other room.

"Already did. I thought you might try to pull something like that so I have been carrying my luggage with me in the car even since you told me I can come with you."

Elena heard Damon curse under his breath and she smiled.

Ten minutes later Damon was all packed and arranging everything in his car, waiting for Elena to bring her own things from her car.

"It," he heard her hesitant voice. "It looks exactly the same as the other one," she finished and Damon pretended not to see the tears in her eyes. "Like…exactly the same," her voice became a little shaky and Damon felt bad. He was sure she was just re-leaving their last moments together before they died together and she came back without him.

Elena's hands started shaking slightly so she placed the luggage on the ground because she didn't trust herself to hold it anymore. She closed her eyes and there she was right back to that moment. Her and Damon in the car holding hands.

"You promised me…you promised you will find your way back to me," she mumbled.

"I am not the one who forgot about that promise Elena, you are," he said and picked up her luggage to place it in the trunk.

"I thought you were gone," her voice was still shaky, but the words echoed all around them, clear and loud.

"If you wanna get into this conversation again, I am going alone," Damon said and opened the door.

Elena bit her lip. "No, I am sorry. Let's go!" she said and got into the car. The moment she closed the door she felt she couldn't breathe. Her hands were now shaking uncontrollably, her heart was racing and her palms got sweaty. She started taking fast sharp breaths, but it didn't work. "I can't breathe," she said softly.

Damon grabbed her hand. "Elena," he called in a soft whisper, but Elena didn't hear him.

Her chest was raising in falling at an alarming rate.

"I can't," she mumbled. "I can't do this, I have to," she got out of the car and Damon found her just a few meters away sitting on the gowned, leaning against the wall of a building. He could tell she was crying because he could hear it.

He walked towards her with hesitant steps. Once on front of Elena, he hankered down. Her face was buried in her hands so Damon placed his hand on her arm. "Elena," he whispered. "Are you alright?"

"I am sorry." He heard her shaky voice a few seconds later.

"It's ok, I get it. Do you want us to take your car?" he asked and she nodded. Her eyes were read and puffy from crying.

"I'll move our things," he said. He was almost back at his car when she heard her call his name. It had been so long since he heard her call his name with that kind of desperation in her voice. He immediately turned around.

Elena forced herself off the cold, dirty floor. "Damon, please could I…" she hesitated once he turned around. He took her breath away. So beautiful, so fierce, so loyal and passionate. How could she had forgotten that about him? "I mean…well, it doesn't have to mean anything, but could I just hold you for a second?" she asked. She was terrified of being rejected. She just needed him so much. After reliving that dreadful day when they both died and he never came back to her, she just needed to touch him, feel him, and breathe him in, to make sure he was real.

He probably understood how deep her need to feel him went. After all, Damon had always been able to read her like an open book. The next thing she knew his arms were around her and the smell of his cologne was enveloping her.

She didn't mean to. The plan was to just hold him and make sure he was really back. It didn't go according to plan. Once her hands got a grip on him she completely broke down in his arms.

"God I missed you so much," she mumbled between sobs. Her fists clenched around the material of his shirt. He was whispering in her ear that she was okay, the tone of his voice traveling deep within her, to her very heart and soul. "I thought you were gone forever."

"Come on, we gotta go," Damon finally said after a few minutes and pressed his hand on her back to push her towards the car.

***DE***

They drove for hours in silence before Damon finally stopped the car in front of a small motel. He told her to wait in the car and let him deal with the arrangements. Five minutes later he came back and handed Elena a rusty looking key.

"Your room is 11," he said and proceeded to park the car in the small parking place. The parking lot was almost deserted, with only three more cars and Elena was sure one of them belonged to the motel's worker.

"We're having separate rooms?" she asked as Damon handed her the big, gray bag from the trunk.

"Yes. And remember that if your hot water is not working, we are staying in the same hotel so mine would not be working either."

Without a word Elena made her way towards her room. It was simple, small but clean. She left like taking a long bath but she noticed that the tiny bathroom only had a shower booth, no tub. With a sigh Elena placed the bag on the only chair in the room and took out her pajamas. The truth was she had never been more awake. So instead of forcing herself to get some sleep, she decided to change and check out the bar they passed on their way to the motel. She took a quick shower, put on a short skirt and a tight t-shirt and took a seat on the bed to re-do her make up. After she was done, she decided to wear her high heeled boots and put her hair up in a ponytail. After spraying on a drop of perfume she got out. She didn't bother taking the car, she just used her vampire speed to get there.

Once inside it only took her five seconds to notice Damon at a table in a dark corner. A short, fake-blonde girl practically sliding all over him like a snake. She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out. Only when Damon raised his hand to pick it up did Elena realize the girl had a cherry tail in a nod on the tip of her tongue. Damon smiled softly in the corner of his mouth making Elena's blood boil in her veins. It didn't take a Phd in human behaviour for Elena to notice that the girl was already undressing Damon with her eyes.

Gathering up her courage she walked to the bar, picked up the tray from the chubby waitress. "I got this," she said and made her way towards the table Damon was occupying without a second look to the puzzled girl. Once in front of the table she placed the four shooter glasses on the table and the glass that was clearly filled with orange juice in front of the girl. Without a word, she drank two of the shooters and pushed the other two in front of Damon. "Bottom's up," she said and winked at him. Taking her eyes of Damon with difficulty Elena looked the blonde girl directly in the eyes. "Go and drink your juice at some other table!" Elena ordered and the girl nodded and picked up her drink. "So, that's how it felt like watching me with Liam?" she asked as soon as the girl left. Damon didn't say anything. "How did you manage not to kill him, coz' if she would've touched you one more time, I would've broken both her hands," she finished with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" Damon asked and Elena shrugged.

"Just wanted a drink."

"I liked that girl."

"No you didn't. You're more into feisty brunettes who get you into a lot of trouble," she purred.

Damon finally drank his two shooters one after another. "You got your drink, go back to the hotel or stay out of my way," he got up and walked towards the bar where the blonde girl was. He winked at her and she turned around twirling her tongue around the straw. Elena bit her lip. She looked around for a potential guy to make Damon feel the way she did, but no one was even close to his league. The tiny glass broke in her hand and blood started pouring through her fingers. She noticed Damon hesitate for a split second before taking a seat at the bar. She was sure he was able to smell her blood. At that moment the girl decided to lean in and whispered something in Damon's ear. Elena had been too concentrated watching Damon's every move to hear what she said, but when Damon grabbed her head and whispered to her right back, she heard every word.

"It will be my pleasure to take you home Sarah," he said. His voice smooth and sensual just like she remembered.

When Damon turned around before going out of the bar, Elena was no longer in her seat. He took a quick look around but she didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

"Do you have a car or we're taking mine?" the girl asked.

"You'll take your car, drive home and get some sleep. You went to the bar, had a drink, a jerk hit on you and you decided to go home," Damon said looking her straight in the eyes just like Elena had done just minutes before.

***DE***

Two hours later Damon was back in the hotel room. He was just about to take his shirt off when he heard it. He heard her. There was no confusing it, he would've been able to recognize her voice out of a thousand. Elena was screaming in pain. It took him a few seconds to get to her. When he opened the door he saw her in bed, clearly asleep and clearly having a terrible nightmare. The sheets were twisted around her leg as if she's been tossing and turning for a while. Pearly drops of sweat were sliding on her forehead and her fists were clenched.

"Elena," he called, but nothing happen. He closed the door behind him and got closer to the bed. That was when he heard it again. His name coming off her lips in desperation.

"Damon, noooo!" she screamed before biting her lip. "Noooo, please, no!" she yelled again and Damon called her name, louder this time.

He took a seat by the edge of the bed and placed his hand on her shoulder and she jerked up so abruptly, it startled him.

"Damon," she mumbled, relief clear in her voice. She lunched herself against his bare chest holding on to him as if her life depended on it.

She took him by surprise so Damon reacted mostly from instinct. He wrapped his arms around her still shaky body and petted her head softly. "It's ok, it was just a dream," he whispered in her ear.

"I can't lose you again," she said quietly and Damon pretended he didn't hear her. He slowly pulled away from her and he also pretended not to notice the sad expression on her face.

"It was just a dream, Elena. Go back to sleep," he said and moved to get up from the bed, but she grabbed his hand, keeping him in place.

"Damon, please. You don't understand. I lost you once and I had to compel you away to survive, if you die on me again I won't make it," she said sincerely. Her big doe eyes that were always able to do things to him, made him feel things he never thought possible were floating with tears.

"Good night, Elena," he said and pulled his hand from her grip with a little more force than necessary. He only started breathing again once he got back to his room. He hadn't slept at all that night. He lay awake in bed listening to her crying, wishing it wouldn't have such an effect on him.

Just as he was about to take an early shower, he heard the soft knock on the door. "Come in!" he yelled, thinking it will be pointless to avoid her since they will soon find themselves contained in the limited space of a car in just a few hours. Once Elena got in he noticed she was holding a notebook in her hands. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing…" she let out a long sigh. "Everything."

Damon looked away, because looking at her tended to turn him into a teamed pussycat ready to run in her arms and start purring.

"I though you should read this. Maybe_"

"Read what?" he interrupted.

"My journal," she answered simply. "I think it explains my choice to have the memories of you wiped away better than I could." A look at Damon let her know he was about to refuse her offer. "Please, just read it. If you still don't want anything to do with me, I will leave you alone. I promise," she added the last sentence in a softer tone, her voice almost cracking. He nodded and she smiled. She placed the black notebook on the bed. "Thanks," she whispered and with that she was gone.

Damon walked towards the bed slowly and traced the edges of the small notebook. He looked at it as if it was something fascinating yet deadly. He picked it up and for a full minute he just held it.

***DE***

Elena was brushing her hair when the door flew open. It was hard for her to read the emotions in Damon's eyes because he seemed to be going through all of them at once.

"Is it true that you used drugs to hallucinate about me?" he asked and Elena looked confused.

"I…I thought you knew about that," he tucked her hair behind her ear. "I thought someone must've told you by now." Damon shook his head. "The drugs made me so…"

"Hungry," he finished her sentence and she just nodded. "You hurt people and yet you didn't want to give it up."

"It was all I had. The thought of seeing you, even if I knew it wasn't real kept me going."

"How was I? I mean how were you hallucinating me being like?" Damon asked and to his surprise Elena smiled softly.

"Just the way you are. You made fun of me for hallucinating about you," this time Damon joined her with a smile of his own.

"I didn't know you could feel all that," he said revealing Elena's journal. Elena smiled again but this time it was a sad smile, full of pain.

"I didn't either. I mean, after all the people I lost, I have a degree in mourning, but with you," she took a deep breath. "I just couldn't accept the idea of you being gone forever. The thought of never seeing you again, hearing your voice again or feeling your touch again…the thought made me wanna die, Damon. So that maybe then I could find you. You promised me forever, Damon, remember?" Damon opened his mouth, but closed it right back. He didn't know what to tell her. He failed her, she failed him. They failed each other in a way. "Remember that night I asked you to come with me to watch the meteor shower?" she didn't wait for an answer, but he nodded anyway. "It started to rain and we kissed," a few tears escaped the prison of her eyes and were now dripping down her chin. "I made you promise that we are forever," she almost yelled. "And you did. Gha, you promised me forever Damon. You lied to me!"

"I know," Damon whispered. He walked towards her and placed the notebook in her hand. "I am sorry," he continued and Elena sobbed loudly. She looked at the object in her hand and when she looked back up she noticed tears in Damon's eyes too. "That's why I fought to come back to you, because I promised you forever. I promised you I will find my way back to you so I did. Seeing that you let go of those promises hurt, Elena."

"You gave up on them first!" she protested. She threw the notebook against the wall. "Not that it matters. You came back, but you don't want me anymore because I couldn't live without you. The reason why I refused to let the memories back was not because of what you did, Damon. It was because I was afraid. I was afraid of loving you that way again. What if I lost you again? I barely survived losing you once. Loosing you again will kill me. Do you understand?" she asked, but instead of an answer Damon wrapped an arm around her and the next thing she knew was the mixt of their tears and the taste of his lips. And he tastes a million times better than she remembered. His hands on her body feel like warm rays of sunshine in a spring day. She felt him everywhere.

"I love you," he mumbled against her lips and she started crying even louder. But this time they were tears of joy. She has wanted to hear him say those words for weeks.

"I love you too," she declared between sobs and kisses. "I love you, I love you," she said it again and again, because he needed to understand how much he meant to her.


End file.
